3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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