I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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