I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
