The maid of honor just puked.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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