Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
