Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
