I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
