I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
