the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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