it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
