I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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