So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
