dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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