there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
