I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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