I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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