In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
