Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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