U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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