Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
