My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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