all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
