bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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