loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
