'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
