Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
