Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
