I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
