my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
