some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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