just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
