Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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