got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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