I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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