i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
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Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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