literally had 100 drinks last night.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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