So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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