I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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