he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
