u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
