matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You're so nebulous sometimes
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
