Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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