I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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