I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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