Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
