Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
