My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
