Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
