I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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