I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
