Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
