is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
