babies were throwing up all over the place
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize