Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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