we have pet lesbian snakes
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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