I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
